MEN GUILTY OF SEXUAL ASSAULT - WITH A SNAKE

JONES AND BULLOCK

THEY knocked her out, then sexually assaulted her - with a snake.
The woman went to Domonta Jones' house in Eau Claire, Wis, where she danced and drank with a small group 
The 25-year-old then  “invited her into the back bedroom to see his children’s pictures,”  but instead he hit her, knocking her out.
When the 32-year-old woke up Jones was holding her down while his friend, John Bullock, 24, assaulted her.

EX BEAU GETS LIFE IN NC CHEERLEADER MURDER

A 21-YEAR-OLD Charlotte man is going to prison for life in the shotgun slaying of his cheerleader girlfriend. Gary Daniels was convicted of first-degree murder in the 2009 murder of his girlfriend Charney Watt. The jury deliberated for 17 hours.
The prosecution argued that Watt was trying to leave the relationship and had even packed her belongings in a Wal-Mart bag on the day she was killed.
Watt's aunt, Lisa Williams, said the agony of losing the honor student and track star has been devastating.

"We lost a daughter. We lost a niece. We lost a cousin. We lost our cheerleader," Williams said. "We had to do her funeral with a closed casket. We never got to see her face. We attended a graduation with an empty seat. We miss her. We love

JAYCEE DUGARD KIDNAP SUSPECT PULLS GUILTY PLEA

UPDATE: Creepy Phil has changed his mind, apparently in pleading guilty to kidnapping and raping Jaycee Dugard over an 18 year period. He had been expected to plead out today but something came off the rails.  MORE FROM CNN
 EARLIER: IS PHILLIP 'Creepy Phil' Garrido going to plead guilty to the kidnapping and rape of Jaycee Dugard today? According to CNN, he is. Garrido and his partner in crime, wife Nancy, allegedly kidnapped Jaycee Dugard when she was just 11-year-old and held her prisoner for the next 18 years in their sinister compound in Antioch, California.

CHICAGO HOOKER MURDERS HERPES WIELDING JOHN

A SEXUAL romp between a Chicago hooker and a john ended with a bang. Literally. Cops in the Windy City say the pair were engaged in hormone-charged hijinks when a woman began pounding on the man's door claiming he'd given her a sexually transmitted disease.
Ashley Nicole Steele, 21, then shot to death Derrick Gray on Feb. 4. Detectives say hooker Steele (that's not a 70s cop show!) had arranged to meet Gray for some lusty good times. When they heard the pounding on the door, Gray got up and answered it.
The woman at the door screamed that he had given her herpes. The woman showed our heroine text messages from Gray apologizing for giving her the incurable STD. Steele began pacing back and forth and then she shot Gray to death.
MORE IN THE CHICAGO SUN-TIMES

GORGEOUS KENIA MONGE VANISHED FROM NIGHTCLUB

A GORGEOUS student left her friends to go to the nightclub bathroom and disappeared, cops say.
Kenia Monge was partying it up with friends in the Aurora, CO, when she left her stuff on their table, saying she'd be five minutes.
The gorgeous teen hasn't been seen since early Saturday morning and now cops have launched a massive manhunt for the teen, whose chances of survival decrease with every hour she's missing.  
Kenia’s stepfather, Tony Lee, claimed she was too smart to have gotten into a car with a stranger and she must have been drugged and taken against her will.
He said:  “She would not get into that vehicle in a million years in my opinion if she was in her right mind.

5 CARD DUD! POKER LOSS SENDS STOCKBROKER TO JAIL

POKER FACE

NOT THE HAND HE GOT

YOU win some, you lose some, but it's rare that losing a hand of poker will cost you your freedom - unless your Samuel McMaster Jr that is.
To be fair, it wasn't just the cards that landed him in trouble.
The investment scam artist  had conned people out of almost $450,000 using a variety of schemes and scams and had been slapped with 12-years behind bars for his crimes.
So he was about to be jailed anyway when he proposed a unique deal with New Mexico prosecutors to spare him prison time.

MOM OF THE YEAR RUNS OVER DAUGHTER - ON PURPOSE

MOM OF THE YEAR

DEFINITELY not in any parenting manual - run over your teen daughter to win the argument.
But that's exactly what Sylvia Aranda, 37, did after verbally sparring with her 17-year-old as she drove her daughter on Monday.
At some point the teen hopped out of the car and onto the sidewalk near their Glendale, AZ, home.
But rather than take a moment to cool off, Aranda decided to put pedal to the metal, smashing up the sidewalk and hitting her, before driving off into the sunset.
Cops say she didn't return to the scene to check she was okay, until paramedics had already arrived to treat the girls injuries, which thankfully were very minor.      

ASHLEY JUDD: 'I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD'

DEPRESSED

ACTRESS Ashley Judd has revealed that she was sexually abused by various men during her life in her heartbreaking new memoir.
The Tooth Fairy star, who devotes as much time to activism as acting tells all in her warts'n'all book All That is Bitter & Sweet.
Calling her childhood on the road, with her famous country star mother Naomi "erratic, chaotic, unstable," she claims moving from school to school it left her with severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
She says: “I was so the lost child, who just goes away and can be invisible while sitting in the middle of the room.”
Only a visit to a Texas rehab facility helped her regain the balance

BEER TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

IT really was a case of of beer today, gone tomorrow, but sadly very few will be around to ale this thief, who died after swiping a crate of bud. 

Wyman Sims, 36, smashed his car into a tree while trying to make a quick getaway from the Fort Lauderdale, FLA BP station, where he'd swiped a 12 pack.

Employees had flagged down a cop, but they didn't have time to give chase and found Sims' Sebring a short time later.

There was no chase, but the Broward Sheriff's Office Traffic Homicide Unit noted that the Sebring had a temporary tire on the rear of the car, which may have led to Sims losing control of his car.
It is believed he'd been drinking before swiping the beer . 

HUNK A BURNING LOVE: VALENTINES TEDDY IS A FIREBUG

FIRESTARTER

THE SUSPECT

A VALENTINES teddy bear gift didn't ignite flames of passion, but was instead used to start a massive blaze by a man attempting to kill his wife.
Corey Allon Harmon, 23, used the hunk of burning love to start the fire, which he hoped would kill his wife Caryl.
In late January he walked into a spare room of their Redding PA home and lit a stuffed Valentine's Day teddy bear on fire with a BIC lighter fire inspector Craig Wittner reported
Then watched the fire spread and shut the

TEXAS TEEN KILLED OVER A COMPUTER GAME

HE shot his cousin in the back, because he thought he was hogging the video game.
Alejandro Garcia, 22 admitted to killing 17-year-old George Flores because he wouldn't let him play Scarface: The World is Yours.
Corpus Christi,  TX Investigators said they were drinking and smoking marijuana at the time.
Garcia then went on the run and evaded cops for three years, even though his family tipped them off several times, but they finally caught up with him last June.

LAUGHING BANK TELLER FOILS HOLDUP

HOLDUP,  hilarious.
A bank teller in Southeast Texas thwarted an attempted robbery when she read the holdup note and burst into laughter.
Wearing sunglasses and a hard hat, the would be thief casually walked in talking on his cellphone and plonked the note demanding cash.
But instead of handing over the loot, she broke into laughter, so he took it back and ran out.
Cops say no weapon was shown, no money was stolen and nobody was hurt, so basically the robbery was a joke, just not quite the one he'd intended.

FORD HEIRESS BUSTED FOR DRINK DRIVING

DRUNK

HER great-great grandfather Henry must be turning in his grave - because the heiress to his mighty Ford empire, Elena, has just been busted for drunk driving.
The red faced 44-year-old smashed her SUV up a curb in Ferndale, MI which led to her arrest, Cops say.
Ford is the company's director of global marketing, sales and service at Ford Motor Co, a position created for her, is the most prominent member of the family at the automaker after Executive Chairman Bill Ford Jr.

ORIOLES ACE COULD BE CHARGED WITH MURDER

BALTIMORE Orioles star hurler Alfredo Simon may be charged with murder this week, law enforcement officials in the Dominican Republic say. Simon is suspected of shooting to death Michael Castillo, 25, and wounding his cousin in Puerto Plata on New Year's Day. Simon has already reached an out of court settlement with the victim's family in return for them dropping wrongful death. But... authorities say there is enough to go to trial for murder.
Simon, 29, was sprung  March 3 on involuntary homicide charges and paying about $50,000 in bail. His defence is that it's a Dominican cultural tradition to fire your gun into the air on New Year's Eve. 

The Orioles have placed the rightie on their restricted list. However, the team's website says: "Simon is unlikely to pitch in 2011 due to off-the-field issues." Indeed.

MORE ON ALFREDO SIMON

OHIO BOOZER WAS BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE

TALK about ruff justice! Just ask Ryan James Stephens, 25, of Mason, Ohio. He says a police dog started barking at him in the Cincinnati suburb. So, he does what any sensible person would do: he barks back. And now he's been charged with a misdemeanor.
According to cops, Officer Bradley Walker heard the dog barking uncontrollably while investigating a car crash early Sunday morning. He said Stephens was making barking noises and hissing at the K9 dog inside the police car. But whoa. Walker says cops are barking up the wrong tree. He said: "the dog started it" when asked why he was harassing the K-9. Oh, and cops said Stephens appeared highly intoxicated. You think?