|LAUREN SPIERER, RIGHT|
Thursday, June 9, 2011
WORLD'S BIGGEST MORON
AL QAEDA number two (and trying harder) Ayman al-Zawahri delivered his often hilarious eulogy to former terror master, now fish food, Osama bin Laden whacked in a U.S. raid last month. We're still gonna terrify you," the good doc says, reassuring us. The video--hysterically called in true Al-Qaeda we're-going-to rule-the world-fashion "The Noble Knight Dismounted"--alternates between the terror number 2's poetry and verse. Disgruntled terrorists are now heading home because bin Laden was more fun and took himself less seriously.
THE NY TIMES TREATS THINGS MORE SERIOUSLY
THE NY TIMES TREATS THINGS MORE SERIOUSLY
IN THE LATEST twist to a bizarre, disturbing case, Tanya and John Skelton have finalized their divorce in a Michigan court. Judge Margaret M.S. Noe awarded full custody to Tanya Skelton of the couple’s three boys, Alexander, 7, Andrew, 9, and Tanner, 5, who have been missing more than six months. Ringing bells? Ah, now you remember good 'ole John Skelton.
The head of computer crimes at the Orange County Sheriff's Department testified that someone specifically searched the Anthony family computer for the words "chloroform," "alcohol," "inhalation," "death," "self-defense" and "head injury" within 15 minutes. Sgt Kevin Stenger also said someone also searched the term "neck breaking," "making weapons" and "how to make chloraform (sic)," using Google four days after the first search for chloroform in March
Stephen Coffeen, 42, claimed the energy drink made him mentally unbalanced and along with sleep deprivation, meant he did not know what he was doing when he strangled his 83-year-old father, Robert Coffeen, a World War II veteran.
Circuit Judge Nancy Moate Ley told the Pinellas, FL courtroom: "At the time of the killing, the defendant did not understand the wrongfulness of his actions."
"He was suffering from a mental infirmity, disease or defect."
Citing reports filed by five doctors who concluded Coffeen was legally insane at the time he killed his father she added: "In all of my many years of experience, and a lot of homicide cases, I have never seen a situation that was so clear cut as far as everyone agreeing."
Bursting into his apartment with a dead weasel under his arm, a furious man smashed another guy in the face because he thought he was sleeping with his girlfriend, cops say.
According to the police report the baffled victim spotted the carcass and asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?"
Wrongly his attacker answered: "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," before punching the man in the nose and fleeing - leaving his furry friend behind in the Hoquiam, WA apartment.
Cops later found the suspect arguing with his girlfriend at another location but despite being at gunpoint he refused to surrender, tried to fight officers several times and held his ground until a dog unit was called in for back-up.
He was charged with assault and burglary, reckless driving without a license and resisting arrest.
He said he had found the dead animal near but police don't know why he carried it with him.
As she lay on her deathbed Elizabeth Edwards secretly videotaped testimony against her cheating husband John who is accused of using campaign funds to hide his secret mistress, prosecutor claim.
The one time presidential candidate and congressman is accused of using $925,000 to cover up his affair with Rielle Hunter, who eventually gave birth to their lovechild.
Friends said the cancer victim, who died in December, wanted to ‘haunt’ her estranged husband and his mistress Rielle Hunter, with whom he fathered a child and made a sex tape.
So sources say she secretly videotaped deathbed confession which she passed to a friend, who she told to send it to prosecutors.
A source told The National Enquirer: "Elizabeth wanted to exact final revenge against John for destroying their 33-year marriage and their family by cheating with Rielle."
Rapper Ja Rule has turned himself in to begin his two-year jail sentence for holding an illegal semiautomatic rifle in his car.
Cops caught the 35-year-old with the serial number scratched off when they pulled him over for speeding after he left a show at Manhatttan's Beacon Theatre in July 2005.
Lil Wayne was arrested separately, but for the same charge, after headlining the same show, and spent about eight months in jail for the crime.
The 35-year-old who's really name is Jeffrey Atkins told Good Day New York: "Laws are laws. There's nothing I could really do but own up to the situation."