Drunk driver mistakes jail for bar

PAW PAW, MICHIGAN -- Heard the one about a woman who walked into a bar? Or should that be behind bars?

Cops say a really drunk woman had trouble telling them apart when she mistook Michigan's Van Buren County jail for the bar for a bar where she was trying to pick up her boyfriend. 

A deputy spotted the 39-year-old backing into the jail at about 2 a.m. Sunday and noticed she smelled of alcohol and appeared intoxicated, according to the Van Buren County Sheriff's Dept.  

A breath test showed she had more than twice the 0.08 percent blood alcohol, considered drunk in Michigan and she will now face drunken driving charges.  

Grandma who murdered grandson will stay in jail

DETROIT, MICHIGAN -- A gun toting granny who killed her 17-year-old grandson by blasting him with six shots, including two in the back, has had her murder conviction affirmed by a Michigan appeals court.
Sandra Layne said he rights were violated when a judge refused to allow threatening comments made by Jonathan Hoffmann which would have helped her self-defense claims.
The 76-year-old was convicted of second-degree murder in 2013 and sentenced to 22-years in prison after Hoffman was shot six times at her home in Michigan's West Bloomfield Township.
Hoffman was living with grandparents during his last year of high school and Layne claimed at trial that she had been scared by his behavior and drug use.
However, prosecutors played a recording of a 911 call that showed him being shot again while pleading for help.

Miley Cyrus homeless MTV Awards date jailed

LOS ANGELES -- Miley Cyrus' homeless date who accepted her prize at the MTV Video Music Awards had been jailed for six months for violating the terms of his probation in Oregon.
"I'd like to be viewed as a good person, not as a nuisance to society," said Jesse Helt, shortly before he was led away in handcuffs.  Cyrus befriended the 22-years during a visit to the My Friend's Place youth homeless shelter in LA.

BIEBER COULD FACE 20 YRS. IN JAIL FOR POT FLIGHT

The Biebers

Not exactly as shown

Pint-sized pop star Justin Bieber could end up doing hard time in a U.S. federal prison if authorities find he interfered with flight crew aboard his leased private jet.
NBC News revealed last week that the hellraising homeboy and his idiot father Jeremy Bieber along with his parasitical posse were “extremely abusive” to a flight attendant on a flight from Toronto to New Jersey on Jan. 31 en route to the Super Bowl.
On Monday, FAA spokesman Jim Peters told NBC that investigators are conducting fact-finding

PRISON CHOW FOR DUMB DINER ANTHONY MALABEHAR

DUMB

A DOUCHEBAG diner who repeatedly refused to pay for his meals, will have to make do with prison chow for the next three years.
Proving that there is no such thing as a free lunch, Greedy Anthony Malabehar, 47, made a habit of ordering food in restaurants and then refusing to pay.
Last month he ran up a $70 bill at the Alamo Steak house in Mattoon, IL, enjoying drinks, an appetiser and an entree.
But when it came to paying, he told bemused staff he didn't have the cash and according to the Journal Gazette & Times Courier he just sat there and waited for cops to arrive.
"He just sat there like he didn't have a care in the World," one witness revealed.

SQUIRREL NUT ANNICK RICHARDSON FACING JAIL

SQUIRELL

NUT

SHE'S NUTS - and now she's facing jail for them.
Because Annick Richardson could now be put behind bars for up to 60 days for feeding squirrels on her neighbors property.
She claims her only crime is caring too much, but she admitted her love of fattening up her furry friends was "excessive" telling WDTN that she was, "trying to refrain myself."
But to neighbors she's a menace and her nut loving friends are little more than pests who ruin gardens, clogging air conditioners with peanuts and even chewing through car wiring.

CELEBRITY JUSTICE! LINDSAY LOHAN DOES 5 HRS. IN JAIL

UPDATE: After serving just 5 hours of her 30 day jolt in the Big House, former actress Lindsay Lohan walked out of jail free as a bird. Law enforcement's reason? Jail overcrowing. Our take: LA's a company town, Lohan is a screw-up but she's Hollywood's screw-up. The Mean Girl remains, the quintessence of celebrity justice in America. LOHAN WALKS: CALIFORNIA SHOULD SINK INTO PACIFIC

GO TO JAIL: LAURA CHAVEZ STABS OVER MONOPOLY

JAIL

SHE did not pass go or collect $200 - instead Laura Chavez went directly to jail after repeatedly stabbing her boyfriend after arguing over a game of Monopoly.
Whether she landed on one of his hotels is unclear but cops say they arrived to find the 48-year-old "bleeding from his head and right wrist."
She then admitted to stabbing the man with a kitchen knife.
According to the statement of probable cause filed for her arrest they were playing the game when she: "hit him on the head  with a glass bottle."

NEIGHBORS SUSPECTED IN ALEXIS RASMUSSEN CASE

SUSPECT

MURDERED?

THE JUNKIE neighbors of of a dead teenage girl who mysteriously vanished six weeks ago while babysitting is now "a person of interest" in the case. 
Eric Millerberg, who has links to the white supremacist prison gang known as the Silent Aryan Warriors and his wife Dea are both currently in jail for separate offenses. 

BABYSITTER LONI BOUCHARD HAD SEX WITH TEEN BOY

'

AMAZING SEX'

SHE knew that having "amazing sex" with the boy she was supposed to be looking after, even writing it in her diary, but Loni Bouchard could help herself.
The 20-year-old professed her love for the 14-year-old, adding that she had finally found "the guy who treats me right."
She wrote: 'I don't care about the law. I just want to be with him and not have to hide it. How can the law tell us who to fall for, who to like and who to love and especially who to date? I thought America was a free country."
At one point she mentioned the "amazing sex" they had had together.  
Bouchard of Clinton, CT, was busted after the boys mom found they'd been sending messages to each other Facebook.

OUTKAST'S BIG BOI BUSTED FOR DRUGS

BIG BOI

HE'LL be more than sorry Miss Jackson, in fact he may be idlewild in jail for some time after he was for drugs including Viagra and Ecstasy.
Hip-hop artist Antwan 'Big Boi' Patton is facing several drug charges after cops busted him on a boat returning from the Caribbean, where he'd been "chillaxing" according to his Twitter feed.
He wrote: "The energy from the Ocean is proving to be great for writing. They playing Mini Golf on the upper deck."
He also name dropped Puerto Rico, Saint Martin and Grand Turk island during his many updates.
But on his journey home, Big Boi, who is rumored to have reunited with fellow Outkast member Andre 3000 recently, was busted and charged with possession of three controlled substances.   

RAPPER DMX GETS 'WAKE-UP CALL'; FREED FROM JAIL

FREE MAN

RAPPER DMX was finally released from prison yesterday after serving an extra week behind bars for failing a drug test inside the jail.
The Party Up In Here star, who's real name is Earl Simmons served eight months in the Yuma, AZ jail after his probation was revoked when he refused t submit to drug testing and for driving on a suspended license.
A friend of the multi-platinum selling artist who has also starred in movies, Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds said: "He's just glad to be out."

WESLEY SNIPES HAS TAX EVASION APPEAL THROWN OUT

LOSER

BLADE star Wesley Snipes has had his appeal regarding his conviction and prison sentence for tax evasion kicked out by the supreme court.
The one time Hollywood bigwig was convicted in 2008 on three misdemeanor counts of willful failure to file income tax returns during 1999-2001and began his three year sentence in December at a federal minimum security prison.
It was alleged that he earned in the region of $40 million and paid no income tax during the six year period in question. 
Eddie Kahn and Douglas Rosile, the men who reportedly told Snipes he didn't have to file tax returns from 1999 to 2005, were also convicted of felony tax fraud and conspiracy in 2008. 

LINDSAY LOHAN'S DOPEY DAD MICHAEL DENIES ASSAULT

CLASSY GUY

FORMER actress Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has denied attacking his girlfriend and so called journalist Kate Major during a heated row earlier this year. Following his daughter into the dock, Lohan who is currently estranged from Lindsay is accused of abusing her and stopping her from calling 911. He pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor domestic violence battery Monday in Beverly Hills, on Major, who broke off an engagement to him last year. 
Lohan has a well-documented strained relationship with his daughter, who was at one time a movie star, and a history of arrests in New York after his ex-girlfriends accused him of harassment.
But his record goes as far back as 1990 when he was investigated for insider trading and convicted of criminal contempt of court, because he

LINDSAY LOHAN 'FRIGHTENED' OF OBSESSED STALKER

THIEF

FORMER actress Lindsay Lohan has taken out a restraining order against her last friend crazy stalker after he left chocolates at her house and sent bizarre text messages saying they are engaged.
David Corcodan, 38, has been contacting her for almost two years, court documents show, sending more then 100 texts including one describing in graphic detail having sex with the actress.
Another showed that he was in the courtroom last month when the 24-year-old actress was sentenced to 120 days in jail.
“Given this obsessive and harassing behavior, I am frightened of Mr. Cocordan and feel that my personal safety, and the safety of those around me, is in jeopardy,” Lohan said in the legal filing.
Cocordan, who police believe is a schizophrenic and is not taking

LINDSAY LOHAN SCOT FREE DESPITE 120 DAY SENTENCE

THIEF

FORMER actress Lindsay Lohan could end up serving no jail time, despite being handed a 120 day sentence for the theft of a necklace.
Instead it looks like the troubled Hollywood hellraiser will spend the majority of her sentence in her Venice CA home because of jail overcrowding. A spokesman for LA County Sheriff's, Steve Whitmore said a 120-day sentence would be reduced to 71 days because of good behavior, and to about 16 or 17 days because of overcrowding. Electronic monitoring, if approved, would be for the shorter period. He told the LA Times: "It appears a person like Ms.