AMANDA BYNES: KINKY COP "SLAPPED MY VAGINA"

Batshit crazy former actress Amanda Bynes is bizarrely blasting her drug charges as "all lies" and claims a kinky cop "slapped my vagina."
The troubled starlet let loose after being busted Thursday for allegedly bouncing a bong onto a busy New York street from her apartment.
According to the New York Daily News Bynes said: “Don’t believe the reports about me being arrested. It’s all lies.  I was sexually harassed by one of the cops the night before last which is who then arrested me. He lied and said I threw a bong out the window when I opened the window for fresh air. Hilarious. He slapped my vagina. Sexual harassment. Big deal.”

SWISS CREEP RAN GLOBAL BESTIALITY PORN RING

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DID YOU MISS US? CRIME SCENE USA IS BACK

Well, it's been quite a while but now that we're out of prison, Crime Scene USA is returning to the battleground of madness and mayhem. Starting Tuesday we'll be back with a plethora of pimps, podunks and the whole range of modern monsters. We'll see you then!

MUGSHOT MADNESS: HALF A HEAD/HALF A BRAIN?

WITH half his head gone, you could maybe forgive him for not being the sharpest tool in the box. 

Perhaps that explains why the poor guy has been arrested quite alot during his 25 years for disorderly intoxication, solicitation of a prostitute, possession of weed, and burglary.
But really-- can you blame him for any of that?

GEEZER BANDIT STRIKES AGAIN: LOSES DAY PLANNER

HE MIGHT be old, but that hasn't stopped the elderly bank robber dubbed the "geezer bandit" from needing a calender. Quite how the brazen thief, wanted in more than six heists will know which financial institution to rob next is unclear.
But investigators are now forensically examining a day planner that the thief dropped on their last job at a Bank of America in San Luis Obispo, CA.
During the robbery, a teller placed some cash and red dye in a bag, which the suspect placed in his day planner before running off.
Capt. Chris Staley of the San Luis Obispo police told CBS LA: "I think the shock of the dye pack actually exploding in the bag created a diversion enough for him to obviously drop both the money and the other items that he was carrying.

HULK SMASH: NUDE BODYBUILDER RUBEN AZRU ATTACK

HULK SMASH!
But instead of radiation from a gamma bomb, I think we can safely put this one down to roid rage.
Cops say that naked, 300lb, bodybuilder, Ruben Azru vicously attacked a couple in their San Bernadino, CA, home.
Officers explained that the couple arrived home to find the nude muscleman on their front porch, but whe the 35-year-old husband confronted him, Azru exploded and began pummelling the guy.
Colton police Cpl. Ray Mendez told the San Bernadino Sun: "The suspect violently attacked the husband, causing major head trauma and injuries.

BIBLE CAMP TEACH HEATHER DAUGHDRILL TOUCHED BOY

BIBLE CAMP

THOU Shalt not touch young boys.
A perverted youg Bible camp teacher sexually abused and sent saucy text messages to a 13-year-old boy she met a Christian study group.
Heather N. Daughdrill, 28, became infatuated with the youngster when she was teaching him about the good book and cops say she had "innappropriate sexual contact" with him between June and October this year.
Officers claimed she would pick him up from school without his parents knowledge and take him off for the saucy sex sessions.
Detectives also discovered as series of explicit text messages between the pair, according to The Town Talk.
A police source revealed: "There were a few shocked faces when we realized just what had been going on between the pair."

EVIL MOM CANDICE MILLER USED KIDS TO MAKE PORN

SICK

A EVIL mom who used her own kids to produce child porn has been sentenced to 25-years in prison. 
Candice miller took the more than 1000 sick pics of her son and daughter, then 10 and 14 engaged in various sexual positions and could be seen performing sex acts on one of the children in some of them. 
The 32-year-old admitted to her sick crime and admitted to e-mailing them to evil pedophile Steven Demink, 41, who persuaded women across America to sexually assault their kids as a form of therapy, by telling them he was a psychologist.  
Prosecutors say Miller met Steven Demink online and they had graphic chats about Miller being nude around the 10 and 14-year-old victims and about Miller taking showers with them.

MUGGER ANTHONY MIRANDA & THE MMA FIGHTER

BATTERED

BOY did this guy pick the wrong guy to mug. 
Walking up to the car, he probably thought the gun in his hand would be enough to get a good score. 
But what he hadn't banked on was his victim being a 6ft 2 and 250 pound mixed martial arts fighter who wasn't in the mood to be robbed.
After asking Justin, who did not wish his last name to be used, for a light, Miranda pulled the piece.

Justin told the Chicago Sun Times: "He asked me for my wallet, for my phone and my keys. I told him I don’t have a wallet, I only have cash. He cursed me — like ‘m-----f-----.’”

BOSTON BOFFIN IRINA KRISTY BUSTED FOR METH LAB

MATH OR METH PROF?

A BOSTON boffin who taught maths at two of the city's top universities has been charged with running a meth lab out of her home. Irina Kirsty, 74, was caught with a huge amount of "hazardous materials" needed to make the highly addictive and often deadly drug in her apartment.
Cops said in a statement that, investigators from several law enforcement agencies found evidence that their home was being used to make meth while, "other items believed to be dangerous were detonated by the State Police bomb squad." 
The news came as a shock to the academic community as Kirsty has been an adjunct Math professor at Suffolk University since 1985 and has also taught math at Boston University.

DUMB MOM KENIA QUIALA BOSQUE TRIED TO SELL SON

FOR SALE IN JAIL

A DUMB mom has been busted trying to sell her eight-month-son for $7000, cops said. 
Kenia Quiala Bosque arranged a meeting to hand over the newborn, unaware that the prospective buyer was an undercover cop. 
Officers had been tipped about her intentions and launched a sting to catch out the dastardly parent. 
But although she set a fee and arranged a meeting with the supposed buyer, she failed to show up to the meeting near her Miami, FL home.
Still, investigators said they had enough evidence to arrest her on baby selling charges.

TODDLER BIANCA JONES SNATCHED IN CARJACKING

KIDNAPPED?

A TWO-YEAR-OLD girl has been snatched during an alleged carjacking and cops are frantically trying to find her. 
Bianca Jones was driving with her father Deandre Lane, 32, near their Detroit, MI home, when a man with a gun held him up and drove off in his silver Mercury Grand Marquis on Friday. 
The alleged hijacker apparently hadn't noticed the child buckled into her car seat, but the car was recovered 10 minutes later, less than a mile away. 
But the little girl was gone.    
Police Chief Ralph Godbee, however said that the story from ex-con Lane, who is currently in custody on unrelated charges, remains in question.

VIRGINIA VALDEZ TRIED TO LOP OFF HUBBY'S COCK

SCISSORS

BOBBIT

THEY say the first cut is the deepest but for Virginia Valdez' husband it was also the most painful - as she tried to cut off his penis with a pair of scissors. 
It's unclear how successful the 69-year-old was with her eye-watering attack, but it's believed that she didn't do a Bobbit and completely sever her husbands member. 

KILLER CRAIG LEDE TOOK 'TROPHY PHOTOS' OF VICTIMS

BATTERED

LEDE

A TWISTED killer snapped pictures of his young victims before running errands with the female corpse in the trunk of his car. 
Craig Lede allegedly beat Dana Nelson, 28, and John Ketsemidis, 29, over a drug debt of just $40. 
It's thought all three were hooked on prescription drugs, which were linked to a pill clinic which has recently closed. 
Lede told cops he killed the couple because he was tired of being "screwed about" over a small debt, so he'd killed the pair. 

JILTED JESUA TATAD SCALDED EX WITH BOILING WATER

MAD TATAD

THEY say "Hell hath no fury" but Jesua Tatad's ex-husband did literally get burned.   
Rather than the fiery flames however, it was boiling water followed with a baseball bat beating on her ex-husband as he slept. 
The 39-year-old, who still shared a home with his attacker despite their divorce, suffered 60 per cent burns across his body.    
Prosecutors said Tatad waited until her ex, who had just finished a night shift, was asleep, before pouring a full pan of boiling water over his body.
Then as he leapt up in pain she was waiting with the bat and she allegedly smashed him in the head. 
San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said: "The victim is in ‘pretty bad shape’ but will survive. He’s in for a long, long recovery.